Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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