Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
