he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize