She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
