My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
