I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
