You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
