No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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