we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Drunk is a universal language darling
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
