Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
