TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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