So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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