i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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