apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That accounts for only three of the penises
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
