so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry about my life...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
