he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
