you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You're like the curious george of whores
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
