when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
