you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize