So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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