Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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