I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
