at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
