God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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