I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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