I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
