Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
