Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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