I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize