I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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