i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
