so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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