you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
