Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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