That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
