how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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