Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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