Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
