then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize