If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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