i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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