I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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