On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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