Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
