wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
