he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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