I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
