The maid of honor just puked.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
