I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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