we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
