Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
