He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
