i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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