he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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