I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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