I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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