no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
