I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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