Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
