I wish I could teleport
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
