You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
