I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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