I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
