So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
