My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
