Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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