i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
